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04 April 2005

General Bullshit - revised

After reading this story and hearing the on-air version, I had to check the bio of one Gordon O'Connor, Conservative Party defence critic.

Seems O'Connor is blaming the Liberals for the RAF withdrawal from Goose Bay.

He pledges that the Conservatives would "do their damnedest" and if that failed, well, you know...

"But if that doesn't happen, we have other operational requirements within [our] sovereignty and security which we would have to deploy, and would deploy to Goose Bay."

Now let me make this clear:

Gordo is a zipperhead. That's military slang (not necessarily complimentary) for an armoured type, prone to bobbing around in large motorized metal boxes trying desperately not to get bogged. Bogged: as in up to the turret in, well, bog.

One of my former army public affairs colleagues was found standing on the cupola of his Centurion, the only bit of the tank visible above ground. His course report suggested he might find advantageous employment in another corps. He did.

What Gordo knows about aircraft and air operations likely comes entirely from his experiences in Air Canada First Class and the bits of his army staff courses he slept through on his way to BGen.

Now I could be wrong, because, according to CBC News, his last posting involved " responsibility for planning the future force structure of the Canadian Forces (organization, equipment and personnel) and co-ordinating all resources related to about 300 ongoing Canadian Forces equipment and infrastructure projects."

But as Gordo told CBC about Goose Bay: "O'Connor says it is too soon to say what forces a Conservative government would station at Goose Bay."

That's, like, just a bit of equivocating, don't you think?

So because he held an august appointment planning future force structures (read as "what we have in order to do what we do with"), Gordo should know what the operational requirements are for every inch of space in the DND system. He knows the current operational requirements of the Canadian Forces intimately.

Or at least he should.

He likely does, but here's what I think:

I think Gordo knows full well that Goose Bay has NO operational utility for DND/CF such that DND needs to own a base and maintain assets there.

I think Gordo is spouting stuff he knows is pure bullshit because there is a by-election coming.

I think Gordo is driving around trying desperately not to get bogged down in an issue where he knows the difference between what is likely and what he has to say for political purposes.

I think Gordo should try this one at his next meeting of zipperheads: A Conservative government will move every tank in the Canadian Forces armoured corps to Goose Bay and its associated training areas. We'll even build new training areas there and a big firing range for whatever the zips will be driving and shooting from.

It's operationally needed, tell them.

Why? Because we need to be able to operate in dense wooded terrain where tanks can't really go.

And we can use the runways to practice wheelies and doughnuts.

Try that on 'em, Gordo and watch the less than enthusiastic response you get.

Note: The whistling sound you hear, Gordo, is the discarding sabot round from a Leopard going past your head.

Gunnery training ain't what it used to be.

Yep.

Put all the tanks in Goose Bay.

"Driver: Advance!" that one, Gordo and see how far you get.