Shatner – F**k you

And the original

 

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Moms say the darnedest things

The big front page story on the Telegram this Hallowe’en weekend is a story about the chow served to the guests at the Lakeside Hilton, the century old and then some prison that is the centrepiece of the provincial government’s correctional system.

Her Majesty’s Penitentiary.

The piece is called “Dining in at HMP”. The front end of it is a summary of a piece in the Toronto Star that compared local prison fare with that of the jails operated in the Greater Toronto Area.  The rest of it is a summary of the menus served at the Pen  garnished with quotes as fluffy as the mashed spuds that sit on the inmates’ plates next to the roast beef au jus or fresh Atlantic salmon.

The story is not front page fare by any means and it is only marginally less front page-y than the piece underneath.  That one comprises reminiscences by former managing editor Bill Callahan of the time he was a provincial cabinet minister back in the days when the last personality cult seized the good people of the province in its steely grip.  Incidentally that was long before anyone taped keys on walls at newsrooms, but that is to digress. Perhaps it is time for the powers that be over at the Telly to start re0running old Ray Guy columns from around the same time.  If the Mother Corp can recycle Chez Helene or Quentin Jurgens MP surely there is value in 45 year-old humour that is still relevant and savagely funny today.

Anyway, your humble e-scribbler’s mother inadvertently captured the gravitas of the Telegram’s front page Saturday evening with a dinner table comment she meant in all earnestness.

I saw that headline, she said, pointing to the paper over on a table in the living room.  “Dining in at HMP”, she read.  I thought that was going to be another Karl Wells food review.

At that, the family took a break from dinner to clean the shepherd’s pie off the walls.

Spit-takes can be messy.

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Gordon Pinsent reads Bieber

In case you haven’t seen this yet…

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More Showboat!

Another possible 2011 campaign song for the province’s reform-based Conservative Party:

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Showboat!

A possible 2011 campaign song for the province’s Reform-based Conservative Party:

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24 French

Friday was a busy day for the province’s glorious leader.

Helicopter ride with Steve and Fabe out to visit places hit by Igor.

A bit of video fun somewhere in there.

For those who can’t read that, it says “vendredi, le 24 septembre 2010”.

Maybe if Mark Critch from This hour as 22 minutes knew about the helicopter ride long enough in advance, he could have had even more fun with the Premier’s French.

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Should I stay or should I go?

Something for everyone.

1. Political humour version – featuring Tony Blair:

2.  The original version - The Clash:

3.  Ukulele mania!

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When it sucks to be you

What else do you need but a website that takes trendy, hideous business jargon and translates it into plain English?

You know the garbage-words and crap phrases.

Things like “on a go-forward basis”. 

Pure drivel.

So run it through the grinder at unsuck-it.com and this is what you get:

On a Go-Forward Basis

We will be leveraging core competencies across the enterprise on a go-forward basis.

Unsucked: In the future.

Some of you might be surprised to find out that “on a go-forward basis” means nothing more grandiose than “in the future” or “from now on.”

Others of you are no doubt wondering why some people use jargon quite so much or why it is that politicians like to use gobbledy-gook when there are perfect simple words available in English that everyone can understand.

And then there are the people who work for those politicians who will be thankful there is a website that spits out this shite so they don’t have to do the miserable job any more.

Don’t say your humble e-scribbler didn’t try and help you all out.

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Save the Jolly Rock Lighthouse

Is there a facebook group for this yet?

Should be.

• Part 2
• Part 3

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Salma Hayek and Maria Bello freak out over snake

Via HuffPuff:

Cartoon U 4 – the fishery (part the second)

By the time this cartoon appeared, the thing was a full-blown scandal.

And…

Murphy had learned to draw Walter Carter so he didn’t look like Jim Morgan.

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Cartoon U 3 – the fishery (part the first)

Specifically a gear replacement program funded by the provincial government and used by many fishermen as a subsidy to help them upgrade their equipment.

Walter Carter, the newly-appointed fisheries minister, holds up a stinky left-over from his two predecessors, John Crosbie and Harold Collins.  All three men held the fisheries portfolio in succession in 1974.  It used to be an important department.

Children and those with very short-term memories will notice that in those days cabinet ministers could actually operate without instructions from the Old Man of the day.

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New “no fly list” rules

The new rule is:  The person on the no fly list is not allowed to fly on a plane.

Any questions?

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@DaddyMillions – local humour hits Twitter

Some wag’s joined the legion of humourists using Twitter to parody and comment on prominent figures.

Yes, lads, someone is tweeting as Danny Millions, an ersatz Danny Williams. Not quite the love child of Malcolm Tucker (@MTuckerNo10) and Jim Hacker but you get the idea.

No sign who is behind it, but it is topical:

Don't worry... there's no chance of an #oilspill off NL's shores. Zip. Nada. End of discussion. Any questions? #beijingsortofthing#cdnpoli

Ok.

So maybe it’s an acquired taste.

Maybe some of the other stuff, like a reference to the subject that got Bob Wakeham in crap last February, would be more to your liking.

In any event, start following if you want.  At least you know it’s there now.

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iQuisling

Apparently, Apple considers an app developed by a St. John’s programmer to be “offensive'’.  It’s a game in which players get to bop seal pups on the head.

So if bopping seals is such an important activity around these parts that it supposedly trumps major trade deals worth billions, and,

If this action puts Apple in the same league as all those anti-seal hunt and hence anti-Newfoundlander and Labradorian people,  

therefore would that make any Newfoundlander and/or Labradorian who promotes Apple products an iQuisling?

iTraitor?

Just thinking out loud.

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Just to let all the mainlanders off the hook, there is some context to this post that may not be readily apparent.  This is neither an endorsement or critique of Apple or of the seal hunt.  If you don’t find it funny, don’t worry about it:  not every joke is for every one.

Just shoot me

This screen cap from the House of Commons broadcast on Tuesday shows the Premier and his communications director in the visitors’ gallery of the Commons during the whirlwind series of meetings with senior federal government ministers and the Prime Minister.

Yes, Liz, the Commons can be a boring place but at least the Old Man was enjoying himself.

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Dust to dust

Apparently, the last wish of the Icelandic economy was to have its ashes scattered across Europe.

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Seven cent nickel

How the Tories plan to balance the budget:

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90 or more Club

The result of just a quickie google scan on politicians with a voter approval of 90% or better:

1.  Sarah Palin (Republican), former Governor of Alaska.

2.  Jon Huntsman, (Republican) former Governor of Utah.

3.  George W. Bush, (Republican) former President of the United States

4.  Hisself.

Interesting.

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She’s funny even if she doesn’t try

Let’s just say that Google's translator didn’t quite get the subtle nuances of a French-language story on Sarah Palin’s speech in Calgary.

Here’s the original:

L’ancienne gouverneure de l’État américain de l’Alaska et ancienne candidate républicaine à la vice-présidence, Sarah Palin, a fait salle comble samedi soir à Calgary.

Here’s the google version.

Ummm.

Not exactly.

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