16 September 2005

How the Boor stole the election

[With apologies to Dr. Seuss]

Every Jawn
down in Jawn-ville
Loved their city alot...

But the Boor
who was mayor of Sin Jawn-ville
did not!

The Boor hated Jawn-ville! The whole of the city.
He detested each Jawn, loathed each Jawn-dog and -kitty.
As he sat in his office, he'd think day and night
of another sly scheme to shag Sin Jawns just right.
And when Jawns looked to vote in the mail-in election,
the Boor figured out how to screw Jawn selection.

"I'll just send out the ballots to Jawns who are dead.
And send more to addresses of Jawns who have fled.
I'll make sure there is no one to check who has voted."
Then he grinned a Boor grin. "I'll call out the devoted."

While the Boor knew that some of the Jawns thought him crass,
there were others who worshipped His Worship's Boor-ass.
He could count on those Jawns to do just as he wanted.
They would cheer. They would heckle. They'd vote Boor, undaunted.

The Boor sat contented on his mayoral throne,
surveying Jawn councillors he'd soon see gone.
There could not be a chance that the Jawn-ville election
would deny the Blahblahs their new concrete erection.

And those Jawn-agitators who'd clog voting pipes
with some anti-Boor Jawn-viller councillor types?
Those Jawns would need gagging. They'd need a distraction.
The city's procedures would give such compaction.

So the Boor urged that Jawns-bunch to file an appeal.
He smiled knowing Jawn-ville town rules would congeal
and his friendly White Board would keep every Jawn busy,
as they'd file and they'd write in a paperwork tizzy.

By the time that the board that was whiter than White
decided Jawn-queries were beyond its might,
all the votes would be cast and the Jawns would be knackered.
and the Blahblah store floor would be duly shellackered.

Then the Boor called some Boor-loving Jawns on the phone.
Told them they could set just the right Jawn-council tone.
If they'd tackle his foes then the Boor would print ads
to tell all the Jawns their incumbents were bad.

And the Boor grin grew wider, then wider than wide.
As he walked from his office, he beamed with Boor-pride.
He drove through the streets in his SUV truck,
smiling at every Jawn, as he mouthed the word: