27 September 2006

Spitter Spatter


To: Ann

Subject: Your letter to the Telly, September 26, praising Danny.

1. Danny Williams, his supporters and friends are not the only people who are passionate about Newfoundland and Labrador, nor do they have a monopoly on the right passion.

2. The thing about Danny is not that he is willing to spit in the devil's eye "for us", as you put it. That's a charming image, but the way you suggest that we all love him because he is doing it "for us" puts us in a child-like status - we need someone to stand up for us - or, in an even more creepy implication, that Danny assumes some sort of Christ-like perfection because whatever he does he does "for us" and our best interests.

3. Nope, Ann. The thing about Danny is that he has shown himself lately to be willing to spit in anyone's eye just because he thinks it's the right thing to do.

4. Doesn't matter who you are. Big corporation ready to spend billions creating jobs in the province. Guy who wins a job competition fairly and squarely by the rules.

Doesn't matter.

5. If Danny takes a dislike to you, then you can expect a monster loogie inbound aimed directly at your ocular sensors.

6. Apparently, if we read Ann's letter, we don't have to wonder or worry about what he is doing. All that's important is that he is doing his cud hurling "for us." Danny gets an automatic pass on the responsibility thing. Danny's actions are blessed because they are "for us".

7. The bonus? He gets nothing out of it. No stroke of the ego even. Nope, the Selfless Wonder is apparently beyond such mortal concerns.

8. Thanks for the thought, Ann, but no thanks.

We elected a Premier, not some sort of reject from The Mystery Men.

The Shoveler.

The Bowler.

The Blue Raj.

Mr. Furious (Danny read for the part).

The Spitter. (Concept rejected in favour of a guy whose fantastic power is farting.)

The faster we stop getting letters to the editor like this latest one from Ann, the faster we might get Danny back down to Earth and putting his considerable talents into something productive.

You see, Danny might be able to spew for England, but the rest of us are starting to get hit by bigger and bigger chunks of the spatter.

Ann might like to hold Danny innocent of the consequences.

The rest of us don't have that luxury.