07 June 2011

Quentin Jurgens he ain’t

Bloc NDP member of parliament Ryan Cleary had the chance to make his first remarks to the House of Commons on Monday.

He didn’t speak about anything of concern to any of constituents.

There wasn’t even a reference to his pet project, namely having taxpayers fund an investigation into something everyone else knows but which Ryan can’t figure out.  He wants to know what happened to the fish.  Hint:  a whole bunch of people – including Newfoundlanders and Labradorians – fished cod to near extinction.

All Ryan needs to do is ask his old pal Gus Etchegary some of those hard journalist type questions Ryan supposedly likes to ask.  Maybe, for once, Etch – e - sketch won’t give one of his usually sketchy answers.  maybe under some of Ryan’s penetrating cross examination Gus will explain how Gus’ company, like so many others, high-graded and otherwise fished illegally until their were no fish left to catch.

In any event, after thanking his constituents for having the good sense to elect him, Cleary felt the need to let everyone know that this is all about him:

For the first time since Confederation in 1949, Newfoundland and
Labrador is represented by two New Democrat MPs in this esteemed
Chamber. We may not have the raw MP numbers of the other provinces, but the way I like to see it, the member for St. John's East and I make up for it by being from Newfoundland and Labrador.

You can practically feel the methane alarms going off in the chamber as the fart clouds gather.

Then he started in on the pitcher plant that adorns a stained glass window in the Commons.

The stained glass window also faces toward Newfoundland
and Labrador. I ask members to look to the pitcher plant when they
speak of my province. But be warned,   the --

Yes, they’ve been warned.

Of what exactly no one is sure, but there you have it.

A warning.

Probably a warning to watch out for the next time he takes to his hind legs to have at the art work in the Railway Committee room. 

No Newfie Bullet, you see.

By the by, the sentence ends rather abruptly for one simple reason:  The Speaker just cut to the next member of the House.

Now before the tin-foil hat brigade takes up arms, let’s understand something they likely covered in noob MP school on the Hill.

These statements have a time limit on them.  Members get cut off no matter where in their drone they are.  Those familiar with Cleary’s august radio hosting career will likely already understand what happened here.

The idea is to get in. 

Make the point. 

Get out.

Cleary’s ace journalistic skills should make him good at that.

Well, apparently not.

And thus ended the honourable noob’s maiden comments in the House of Commons.

We can only look forward to the next instalment.

- srbp -