08 April 2005

Here's where the Nat Lamp went

Meanwhile over at the National Post, the editors took complete leave of their senses and turned what was once a decent news rag into the National Lampoon today. Such is their frenzy to pry the Liberals from power in Ottawa and install Stephen Harper.

The feature piece, as posted to the website at least, is Don Martin's news story (?)...column (?)...screenplay(?)... titled "Canada's Watergate".

Here's the lede:

"He glanced at reporters salivating to escape his news quarantine, looked at the bank of television cameras carrying his inquiry live for the first time in a week and issued the order: Unleash hell."

And then a few paragraphs later:

"The dam protecting federal Liberals from the disclosure of their party's ugly past had been breached -- and Canada's Watergate spilled out."

Alright, Don, let's start by reminding people that you are are the guy captured in the CBC doc on the last federal election who was close to tears because your pre-written story on the Glorious Conservative Victory was rendered as hamster-cage bedding by...wait for it...the ordinary voters of Canada.

In order to write such drivel, Don either never heard of Gomery before or he thinks his readers are mouth-breathing idiots.

News quarantine? Gomery had three choices when dealing with the motion for a publication ban to protect Jean Brault's right to a fair trial. He could have rejected it. He could have accepted it, as he did, knowing full well, based on ample experience across the country, that some schmuck will give a briefing to US bloggers who will print the material and thereby frustrate the ban.

"News quarantine"? Let's thank God Don's a keyboard pounder and not in charge of communicable disease control for Metro Toronto health authorities during the next SARS outbreak.

Gomery's third choice was in camera hearings, in which the media and general public would be barred. Poof: that's a real news quarantine. Unless there was some legal reason why he didn't have the power, Gomery's "news quarantine" was a Trojan with a few holes poked in it.

"Unleash hell"? This line is lifted straight from some 1930s dime-store novel, or given its hysterical nature, any recent scrum by Danny Williams.

And only in a display of sheer ignorance - as in stupidity, as in a lack of any ethical standards whatsoever - would Martin compare whatever Gomery is investigating to a conspiracy at the highest levels of the US government to commit criminal acts like break and enter in order to subvert democracy, smear political opponents and then systematically cover-up the whole business.

The only upside to Martin's piece is that, as I recall, he didn't use the word "explosive" once.

Don Martin obviously must be the guy who used to scribble cartoons for MAD magazine.

Canada's contender for the title of real national newspaper, today became a national joke.

And if I want laughs, I'll go read the real thing.