15 August 2006

Jumping the shark, Danny style

How many times is the word "counterpart" used in this release that otherwise says absolutely nothing newsworthy?

Hint, Billy: It's called a news release because it is supposed to contain important information otherwise known as "news".

It isn't a rock song. There is no bridge.

You don't get points for repetition in the chorus or for changing key halfway through.

Of course, this thing issued from Tom Marshall's office is just part of the pap offensive to make the government look good during polling weeks.

You know polling week. It's like sweeps week on the networks or the PBS pledge drive.

Next week, Joan Burke will be appearing with Andre Rieux live from the soon-to-be demolished Stephenville Mill for a special farewell concert of classical music.

Tom Hedderson is lined up to do a spot on Danny-vision - otherwise known as Rogers - where Danny's brother-in-law has arranged for Tom to host a local version of the Antiques Roadshow featuring only sundials, clocks and other things you can watch.

So panicked is the government to keep its ratings polling numbers from dropping even an inch that even Shawn Skinner emerged from the nether regions of the government members' offices for the first time in months. He called Bill Rowe's Crap Talk to demonstrate more than anything else that Shawn is either full of crap or totally naive and out of the loop.

Never heard of packing bullshit releases when CRA is polling, Shawn? You obviously haven't been getting the memos sent furiously this week by Danny's personal publicist on her Crackberry.

If nothing else works, I am thinking we'll see Danny jump the shark.


Too late.

Danny already jumped it. This morning in conversation with Randy Simms. His publicist pushed him on the phone to defend a flatulent release that veteran newsman Simms spotted as nine paragraphs of stale air with the faint smell of methane gas and rotten eggs tossed in for good measure. other reporters had serious things to talk about but Danny's personal popularity takes precedence.

So Danny starts in about how many meetings he has attended. Meetings are hard work, he assured us repeatedly. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Then Danny hit the ramp.

Heading the offshore board is the most important job in Newfoundland and Labrador, sez The Prem and dag-nab-it, Danny will stop at nothing to make sure that Andy Wells gets the most important job in the province.

Unlike the Fonz, at that point Danny dropped of the edge of the ramp into the shark-pool.

The government is so desperate to avoid any drop at all in Danny's approval numbers, it'll be fun watching them squirm.

The only question is how many sharks will Danny try to jump in the next three weeks?